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Spiderman Crushed at Capitol

Sept. 15, 2004

Just two days after British police removed a protestor dressed as Batman from the balcony of the Buckingham Palace, Washington police had to remove a protestor dressed as Spiderman from the windows of the US Capitol building. The incident is thought to be a perpetrated by a possible terrorist copycatting the Fathers 4 Justice protest, in which a 33 year old man by the name of Jason Hatch perched himself on a balcony to show how easily a man dressed as a superhero can not only enter a government building but also nest on a government building’s ledge long enough for the media to arrive.

The US incident comes amongst an election season that has seen protests of every variety against the current US government.

Washington police told reporters that a man dressed as Spiderman was noticed clinging to a window shortly after Congress was called into session. Once police arrived, several negotiation attempts were made, but the Spiderman clad man would not remove himself from the building.

“We tried talking to the perp,” tells officer Shane McDaniel. “I said, hey Tobey, shoot your web across the street and swing on the Washington Monument. But the perp just hung there, like a… well, like a spider on a web. I was going to shoot him but my chief said that probably wasn't a good idea.”

The man was later identified as Gary Geffin, a native of Spring City, Iowa, and a member of a group calling itself the “Superheroes 4 Truth,” a pro-Kerry 527 organization who opposes the Bush Administration’s War in Iraq. From his maximum security cell in Guantanamo Bay, he told reporters, “I wanted to show the world that not everyone in America is dumb like our President. Most of us, even if we’re not superheroes, oppose an unjustified war.”

Washington resident Tony Eggard watched the incident unfold on his vacation to the capital city. “We don’t get action like this in Tulsa,” he said. “I mean, if you wanna see Spiderman, you’ve got to buy a comic book like everybody else.”

Several supporters encouraged Geffin, while a small band of Republicans protested the protestor by urging him to jump.

“Some people are so stupid,” said one anonymous witness wearing a blue Walmart vest pinned with Reelect Bush buttons. “I mean, if you’re upset at the President, why protest the Congress?”

Steven Murray, who was later apprehended for being dressed as Superman, in an interview with Reuters, is quoted as saying, “The war on terror has done nothing but make us less safe. If we weren’t giving all of our money to Halliburton in Iraq, we would have more money to police America and prevent superheroes from scaling federal buildings.”

Murray and Geffin are being held without bail.

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